Tag Archives: hate seeing my picture

“The photos got inside my head!”

The photos got inside my head!

Yes this is something I heard very recently – “the photos got inside my head”! So my last blog was on what we think of ourselves when we look in the mirror, or see ourselves in a photograph. Following on from this, I heard an interesting story recently from a lady I know.

She and her family went on a holiday cruise earlier in the year. There were photograph opportunities organised for families and guests on board. In no uncertain terms, she relayed how it was the worst photoshoot experience she had ever had, and without all the detail, she hadn’t enjoyed the experience and hated the results.

BUT my biggest concern was when she then said that the photographs ‘got inside my head’ and made her seriously doubt about how she looked. On their return, she went on a strict diet (because of how she felt) and did a family shoot at home using her phone and tripod. This was to re-assure herself that she didn’t look quite so bad.

Now I will often tell people, they may from time to time see images of themselves they’re not keen on, but it DOESN’T mean you can’t take a good one. This is to help them understand that often there are reasons and elements in a photograph that were outside their responsibility or control.

In a very early blog, I questioned the common saying ‘the camera never lies’. I still say this saying is not strictly true. Bear this in mind as you read…

Her story really troubled me and I found myself with all sorts of questions.

Did the shipping company use professional photographers?
How had they got the lights set?
Had they got the right angles for people?
Importantly, did the families and guests have an enjoyable experience?

Perhaps the photographers were rushed themselves if they had a lot of people to get through? However ‘conveyer belt’ photography is rarely going to achieve good results. If they were rushed, there was not going to be much opportunity for people to have a good experience.

From the information I was given the results of the images were far from flattering or accurate. However, whatever the photographers did or didn’t get right, it was how this particular lady was left feeling, when she stated – “the photos got inside my head”!

BUT as I mentioned earlier, it was the effect the results had on someones view of themselves.

Many people could see this as a reason to never want to be photographed again. While understandable, is perfectly avoidable.

So following on from last months blog, this is an interesting story of how we see ourselves in photographs. Perhaps it’s simply a knowledge thing, so ‘non photographers’ get some idea why some photographs are not particularly appealing.

Why do I bang on about the importance of lighting, angles and an enjoyable experience?

Because they are such important factors to achieving images you’ll love.

Have you ever had a similar experience?

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Don’t forget, the You Tube channel has tips for being photographed running up to Christmas available 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/@love-your-image

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NEWS – Watch this space!

With the new year just around the corner – I plan to merge Love Your Image with Penny Morgan Photography.
More news on this coming soon 🙂

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Comfort Zones, confidence and control – what comes first?

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What comes first to make a change or feel we are moving forward in our lives?

Comfort zones, confidence and control – what comes first? People who dislike getting in front of a camera and being photographed, often say they can’t imagine what it might be like to feel differently. For many it had’t even occurred to them this was something they could change. The turning points could be:

When it starts to impact something important to you.
When you realise it’s holding you back.
When you realise you don’t want to feel like that anymore.

So what happens first?

Do we just shut our eyes and step into the unknown, because what have we got to lose?
Do we need to find an element of confidence before we can step out of our comfort zone?
Do we need to have some control to take that step, in order for our confidence to grow?

Well yes, anyone of these things may be right for different people.

People feel out of control.

I’ve been hearing an increasing number of comments around the area of ‘control’ relating to getting in front of a camera. People feel out of control, or they have no control over the situation. This seems to be growing with our society’s use of phone cameras. More than that, an increased assumption in people that they can capture anybody anywhere without considering how individuals feel. Indeed, at a business event/networking meeting, you come to expect it will happen at some point.

You could be at a private gathering where you don’t necessarily know everyone.
You may not know where these images are going to end up.
You may feel even more uncomfortable asking to exclude yourself from the images.

You could feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Perhaps you have more control than you think.

So considering our subject of ‘comfort zones, confidence and control – what comes first’, perhaps you have more control than you think? You should always feel you are able to politely exclude yourself from images, without fear of judgement or complaint. Learning to deal with responses such as “oh you’ll be fine” or “well I want to capture everyone here”, is both achievable and empowering.

Learning how to position yourself and importantly, what to focus on when in such a situation will also put you much more at ease.

If working with a professional, it is they who should help you feel in control. This will likely make you feel happier and more at ease, achieving a positive effect on the results.

I want to change how I feel.

If like me, you may be a bit stubborn and prefer to discover everything for yourself! However, learning interesting facts and information that provide me with lightbulb moments for change or improvement – is empowering! It’s something I’ve achieved in myself and observed in others.

When you’ve made a decision for change, non judgemental guidance can make so much difference. Not to do the challenge for you – but to provide step by step insights and help you see a different perspective. Provide encouragement and belief in yourself. Your journey is not their journey, but they will be there to help you achieve your goals.

Interestingly, some of the things mentioned in this blog, I did mention in an earlier one, written and published two years ago and you could find a helpful read – I had to step outside my comfort zone

So you receive more blogs like these, make sure you sign up to the mailing list on – Love Your Image

Secondly, you can sign up for a free consultation and review what your options could be – Review Your Image

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All systems are moving forward with the planned online courses – 🙂 – news out soon.

Don’t forget to visit our You Tube channel to find useful tips and recorded conversations – Love Your Image You Tube channel.

What’s really going on in a photograph – Part 2

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Have you ever had your photograph de-constructed?

Well why would you… unless you don’t like what you see?

What’s really going on in a photograph? Last year I wrote a blog on this subject to deconstruct what brings a photograph together. This broke down the various elements to explain why we don’t see beyond what’s directly in front of us. This is particularly relevant if you don’t like getting in front of a camera and think a poor result is all your fault.

If you haven’t already read it, I’m sharing a link to that blog again:

What’s really going on in a photograph?

It’s all about a good conversation.

Recent conversations brought last years observations to mind and worthy of adding another angle on the subject (pun intended). An image is essentially the result of a conversation, or communication between two parties. The success of the photo/s depends on the quality of that connection. Both sides of the conversation would like a good outcome that shows in the results, for their own agendas. But they both have to give the other something to achieve that.

Let’s assume for a moment that the technical side is all good and ok when capturing the image.

However, there still needs a good rapport going in order to get the engagement and guarantee great results. As in a normal conversation, if one always dominates and doesn’t consider or understand the others needs or point of view then the connection may not achieve the results you’d hope for.

Equate this to taking a photograph:

Person being photographed:

Do you feel comfortable with the photographer?
Do they talk you through the process and put you at ease?
Do they give you confidence, that enables you to trust you’ll get good results?
Do you feel out of control?

Photographer:

How closely do you observe your subject?
Do you know what you’re looking for and how to get it?
Do you start a conversation and keep it going?
Are you able to recognise if your subject is feeling anxious?

Let’s add another consideration…

This is not a professional shoot and someone has their phone camera out. This is traditionally where any conversation ends. There is also unlikely to be any guidance on the assumption you know how to stand/sit/smile. The photographer is intent on looking at their phone and before you know it… the photograph is taken. You are left with no idea how that image looks and perhaps a feeling of apprehension of its result. The photographer doesn’t see this through the same eyes as you.

If you express your feelings of “do we have to do this?” – it can be met with “you’ll be fine – don’t worry about it”.

So, you can now understand a bit more of what really goes on in a photograph, whether you are being captured, or, you are the one taking the photograph. If you want great results, start with great engagement with those you have in your camera site 🙂

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The YouTube channel continues to have things added to it. There will be another series of top tips soon, leading up to the Christmas period to help you when the cameras are out – Love Your Image on You Tube

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Is judgement human nature or a choice?

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Is judgement human nature or a choice?

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me… or do they …? Cue the suit of armour!

We all do it, but we hate when it’s done to us.

Judgement is everywhere – we all have opinions on a lot of things throughout our lives.

Unless you’ve had a particular incident that you can relate back to, a fear of being judged is one of the biggest contributors for a dislike of being photographed.

It’s a frequent observation when meeting and working with new people in front of a camera. The apprehension and anxiety is visible. Until they realise there is no judgement or expectation for them to be anything else but themselves.

This ties in with the last blog regarding the values and expectations we learn from birth. It’s taken me years of my life to understand this. I work on changing things when I consider necessary, in my efforts to be a better human being… there, I’ve just made a judgement upon my own life.

Let’s look at what judgement or, to judge means.

We all have opinions on things – so is it when we share or verbalise an opinion that it becomes a judgement? That may depend on whether it’s referring to a fact, or, judgement being passed, as in a court of law. When it comes to speaking/posting a personal opinion about someone/group of people, are we aware of the impact it could have on their life?

The one thing you can be sure of… if you judge others, you in return will be judged.

Yes we have far more freedom of speech in the UK than some other countries. So perhaps some see it as their right to pass judgement? However, it doesn’t change universal law that what you give out, you will get back.

Have you ever considered reducing the amount you judge?
Refrain from verbalising an opinion a little more often?
Would it make you a happier person?
Would it change the dynamics of your relationships with others?

Who are we to pass comment on someone when we perhaps know little about them, or their life. Or how their day was panning out when you crossed paths with them? Is judgement only considered negatively, or can you have positive judgement?

All points to consider.

To change this in ourselves, we first need to understand why we do it.

Many of us live a life of comparison and trying to be what others expect, for fear of being judged. It’s born out of wanting to be accepted, liked, loved and to fit in. It takes, a lot of learning, self assurance, confidence and belief in yourself to feel comfortable NOT to do this. Reading that back, I’m thinking “Why would we do that to ourselves?” But we do.

How do we deal with judgement and what can we do about it?

We may not have control of what people say to us. But we definitely have control and choice of how think and behave when it’s dished out!

When we receive judgement, our initial reaction can be one of upset and hurt. You may feel you want to hit back and defend yourself. Please remember to keep this in context of a particular situation. But you can learn to realise, things people say, speaks much more about them, than it does about you. Judgement from one person, may be a compliment from another, according to their opinion. How many times have you heard an opinion being voiced? But it wasn’t asked for and was fairly obviously unnecessary.

It’s a challenge to keep our opinions to ourselves when others have been judgemental to us. Very often, it’s said in jest, or it can be followed up with “I was only joking”. If you’ve been following my blogs, I refer to an example I shared in ‘Photographer Responsibility – part 2’.

There is strength and power in knowing when to stay silent and when to respond.

Very often things others say stay with us, cause us to doubt ourselves, and question what we do and who we are. This is something some people will have endured for many years. It can cover all sorts of things, in every area of our lives. How we behave – even expectations in what we look like in our dress and style. It’s often most difficult to deal with if we are tired or feeling a little low.

What positive can come out of this? An individuals unique personality will always want to break through and be itself. You can start your journey of change to become who you want to be.
*** Awareness of ourselves is key to helping you on that path.

Being stronger to deal with judgement starts with ourselves.

Be kinder to yourself and stop giving yourself a hard time, it’s not a sign of weakness or giving in. If you feel you’ve made errors in the past, you were simply doing your best at the time. Judging others less will also reap its rewards.

So in answer to my original heading question. Is judgement human nature or a choice? I believe it’s a mix of both. Yes it’s part of human nature, but you do have a choice and can learn to deal with it. Start changing some lifetime habits. As I mentioned previously, it is essential for someone to feel they can be themselves when being photographed, without fear of being judged.

A date for your diaries 🙂 – this blog ties in perfectly with the event.

*** I will be one of the panelists at the ‘BE YOU’ event on April 28th 2023 in Bury St Edmunds at The Athenaeum. It’s all about driving change through conversation and support, to help you BE YOU. Do book your ticket and come along :).

Don’t forget, you can follow me on social media channels and check out and subscribe to the Love Your Image You Tube channel.

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Culture shock photography!

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Does the culture and society we live in affect our attitude towards being photographed?

Does the culture and society we live in affect our attitude towards being photographed? Here in the UK, we live in what is considered a modern civilised society. We are a developed country, as like Europe, Canada, North America, Australia, New Zealand. But the world is ever more multicultural, and effects of our society filter through to other countries and cultures. Made ever easier with the growth of the internet, mobile phones and social media connectivity.

One thing that is certain, culture, fashion, image, beauty, styles, all evolve and change over the centuries. In my opinion one of the things that can drive change and evolution in a culture is money. Whether it’s a lack of it, or lots of it. Innovation is and can be great for the world population. Although as mankind has discovered that can come at a cost when misused.

But what’s all this got to do with getting in front of a camera?

Well the culture we are born into and grow up in is going to have a profound effect on our learning and development. Yes it’s also got a lot to do with those closest to us. If they’ve grown up in the same environment, a lot of expectations and beliefs can be very similar.

Now we are getting closer to the point…

Part of our belief system that we learn and develop from when we are children, comes from the society we are born into. Our youngsters haven’t experienced a world where the internet and computers, including mobile devices didn’t exist.

Each generation can be heard to say “when I was young, we didn’t have (this that or the other) … “. You’ve only got to search YouTube for Monty Python’s Yorkshireman sketch if you fancy a real giggle on this.

But somewhere in the world there are children who live without access to clean water. Have nothing more than the clothes they stand in, let alone a TV or a mobile phone.

This blog is not about the right and wrong of these things. It’s to highlight the beliefs we form, including that of ourselves, according to the world we are raised in.

Somewhere in the world all these things have been and are considered beautiful and attractive:

Large in size
Tooth sharpening
Lip and neck stretching
Flawless skin
Small feet
Pale skin
Dark skin

In our world, we can easily see ourselves. We have mirrors. We have phones and cameras with which we can capture pictures. As a two year old, you may have discovered yourself in a mirror, and kissed your reflection. When was the last time you were able to look in a mirror, and genuinely love what you see?

Nowadays, we have ‘trendsetters’ and ‘influencers’ on platforms like Instagram and TikTok.

Copying a style has become normal. The pressure to confirm and be like others in our peer groups is HUGE.Reality TV produce series in the name of ‘entertainment’ that further highlight current ‘trends’. It’s invisible in its normality as an accepted part of our daily life… until it causes us problems. The term ‘reality TV’ itself I find questionable. Does it really reflect real life and real people? Trendsetters and influencers can be an inspiration to many and be a positive thing in lots of ways. However, it’s the expectations we put on ourselves, to be like this that or the other that I find unsettling.

Some people lives their lives by others benchmarks.

I’ve always wanted to encourage people to be their own person and to learn to love who they are.

For those who don’t like being photographed or seeing the results, it can have evolved from the belief system they developed in the society they grew up in. This would include how they see themselves – not something you would necessarily be aware of. There is another given in life. WE are responsible for ourselves and the person we become. This is made up of the choices we make and how we get there. Yes life has a habit of throwing us good things and big ‘ol curve balls. We can’t necessarily change what has happened, but we can change and be in control of how we react.

The pandemic has highlighted our need to take care of our mental health…

Perhaps there are some positive things to come out of the challenge of the past 3 years. If it causes us to be more aware of ourselves and what affects us, it’s never too late to make changes to feel happier and healthier… and love who we are and what we see.

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For those who find getting in front of the camera for Video, there will soon be a series of Video shorts on the Love Your Image You Tube channel – using a personal project for illustration, these will be video clips on creating videos 😎

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What’s really going on in a photograph?

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I’m just not photogenic… or am I?

What’s really going on in a photograph? When we see an image of ourselves, we don’t see past it. We just see it as something perhaps we like or we don’t. If it’s one you like, great! But if it’s not, it can be part of a subconscious downward spiral to constant disappointment – leading you to believe you are not photogenic.

There are different reasons we do or don’t like an image.

But our decision will be based on a judgement about ourselves. Understanding a bit more of what’s happening in a photograph can be essential to helping you improve any dislike of an image. Not to necessarily like it, but to realise why it didn’t turn out so well – this doesn’t mean you are not photogenic!

A photograph captures a split second in time.

It brings together many elements. That single moment is all important to how you view the results. Let me expand on this slightly. We are producing expressions that are uniquely us, all the time, depending on where and who we are with. Because a photograph is of a single moment, it’s a skilled person who observes and captures you in an image that you will love. Not because you are a difficult subject, but because they know what it takes to capture that moment.

I’ve separated reasons into five main points and explained some of what was going on:

Photographer responsibility.
Technical issues.
Masking.
Comparing ourselves.
Judging ourselves

Photographer responsibility.

This was the topic of two earlier blogs – do take a read – Photographer responsibility Part 1 – Photographer responsibility Part 2. It could give you more insight. Who was taking the photograph? If you were captured either off-guard, or unexpectedly, perhaps the photographer wasn’t focusing on capturing you at your best, or, they didn’t know how to. Perhaps they didn’t consider how you were feeling.

Technical issues.

This was touched on in the last blog – again take a read – Using Phone Cameras and Filters – it could be helpful.

Don’t forget about the distortion that happens, if either you or someone else was capturing you on a phone camera. The camera may have been too low, or from a less than flattering angle.

The light was maybe harsh and unforgiving, perhaps because of bright midday sunlight, or, overhead artificial light. As I mentioned in the blog, people now assume that their phones will do it all for them.

Masking.

You’re requested to be in a photograph and beginning to feel anxious and uncomfortable and your stomach churns. You could also feel distracted and not know how to stand/sit/look and added to that you are not being guided. There’s no hiding at the back and you would rather not be there. So at best you grin and bear it, or put on a ‘mask’ to just get through. Tension, anxiety and feeling highly uneasy is going to show through.

These three points ARE NOT YOUR FAULT

But no-one else gives any consideration to this and leaves you berating yourself for taking a far from acceptable image, on the assumption it’s your responsibility – well it’s not!

The next two are deeply personal and individual.

Comparing ourselves to others.

Looking good in an image is actually not a competition, but many measure it this way. Social media and advertising pile on the pressure, causing us to think we should look like something/someone else. In reality, whether you can achieve it or not is another thing. We are lead to believe that if we buy a particular product, or have a particular treatment, we can! All to follow a particular trend and fit in with our peer group.

Judging ourselves.

I was recently chatting to a lady at an event about ‘Love Your Image’. She quite matter-of-fact announced that a particular lady (nearby) was beautiful and she (herself) was not. It was that black and white to her. How we see ourselves is of course deeply personal. Negative self judgement can be so ingrained, it’s barely a conscious thought or action anymore, as we do it so regularly. It has truly become a habit… a bad one. We’ve taught our brains, with our life experiences and values to automatically think that way.

So that’s the negatives covered – but all is not lost.

EVERY SINGLE POINT LISTED HAS A POSITIVE ASPECT.

Everyone can take a good photograph, yes everyone.

I once had a photograph taken to record quite a big achievement – I’d just cycled 100 miles in a day. I’d spent 3 months preparing and getting fit enough. It was a shot taken on a phone, (not mine), quite close up, so lots of distortion. I was also exhausted… it showed! 🙁 But the image doesn’t bother me, because I understand what was behind it.

I’ve shared an example to illustrate one of the above points – which point do you think these come under?

What’s going on in a photograph – this shows a group of people un-prepared for their photograph.

Happy group of people all smiling to camera

What’s going on in a photograph – a group all looking a lot more comfortable in front of the camera.

These two photographs are a perfect example of two moments in time, taken seconds apart – I remember them well, as I was there! As you can see, every single person in the group had no idea the photograph was being taken in the first image. The second is a much more pleasing image with everyone focusing towards the camera.

Do you relate to any of the points raised in this blog?

Did you know you can learn to get past all of these things?

If you haven’t already done so, do sign up to the mailing list and make sure you receive all blogs and videos as they are published. There is also now a You Tube channel for Love Your Image.

Five steps to stress free photographs

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How many times in your life has someone said to you “take it one step at a time”?

There are many relevant points on what it takes to be at ease in front of a camera. However this article shows just how easy it can be to get there, by following my five steps to stress free photographs. I’m not just talking about working with a professional photographer, I’m also talking about any time you find a camera being pointed at you.

Some of us need a goal or an incentive to step out of an uncomfortable place.

When we do, we grow personally ending up mighty pleased with ourselves and a feeling of real achievement 🙂

Imagine this analogy – the place you’re in now, with regard to being photographed, is like standing on a river bank. It’s familiar, but you want to be on the other side, because all the things you’d like to have, do or be, are over there!

You’ll get on with life in the same format that you always have. You tell yourself that you’re fine where you are, or it’s too dangerous to cross the deep water.

But you are always given a way forward when you decide you want to change something.

Finding someone to help you on that journey makes it a lot easier:

They show you how to step forward
Guide you through
Give you the tools to find your way

One step at a time can get you across to a better place on the other side of that river.

Analogy of the river when taking things one step at a time

Imagine the river has stepping stones – you can choose to take a first step and see the journey ahead. You have the option to go back, but you can’t move onto the next stone until you’ve achieved the goal of the one you’re standing on. So you always have a choice. Here are your five steps to stress free photographs.

Step 1

Is all about acknowledging where you are now and being ready to take that next step.

Step 2

It’s a bit like a ‘Photo-less Photoshoot’! We explore all the issues that affect people; identify and discuss which apply to you and discover insightful information and technique for you to move forward – no photography takes place!

Step 3

‘The safety net step’ – go through the motions and methods of working in front of a camera, BUT, no photographs are taken. It might be possible to move across step 3 quite quickly, but it’s there as a safety stone if you need it and a valuable part of your journey 😊

Step 4

Armed with information and control, using all you’ve learned so far, you ease into a photoshoot. We discuss the results and how you feel and re-cap on your available strategies to use for the future.

Step 5

Reaching the far bank and a stronger place, celebrating, and receiving your images.

When we really want to learn a new thing or change something in ourselves, without knowing where to start – it can seem like a wall right in front of you. All we see is the insurmountable task of getting past it and the stress and anxiety that brings. You can turn and look the other way, but it doesn’t get you past the wall. When someone helps you stand back and see a different picture, full of possibilities, things you probably haven’t thought of, it opens up a world of potential.

Life is not always as it seems – you always have a choice – you always have a way forward and that brings you control and confidence.

Having a free review is your first step – get in touch and you can find out more – Love Your Image 5 step success.

In the meantime, do sign up to the mailing list for Love Your Image and stay up to date with new information and blogs. There is also a You Tube channel – you get to know when a new video is published by being on the mailing list.

Proof of your success through five steps to stress free photographs.