How we are are feeling is very important in our lives. It’s very powerful, but also very invisible. It’s just that … a feeling, but something VERY influential to us.
People will always remember how you left them feeling.
What’s that got to do with photography? A huge amount actually… lets look at why.
So why is how we feel, connected to photography?
For whatever reason someone might not enjoy getting in front of a camera or indeed refuse to do so, it will be connected with a feeling of some sort.
When there is a dislike of getting in front of a camera, it will be a feeling from a negative association. This could go back to any period of time.
It could be about any part of you, your personality and your physical appearance.
There can be a variety of complex reasons, but there is a positive side!
Because the flip side of that can be just as powerful and impactful with positive associations:
These may be harder to remember, because we have a habit of focusing on the negatives. But those happy positive occasions will be there.
What we see and feel about ourselves is very connected to what we see in photographs. It will be part of the many reasons we do and don’t like getting in front of a camera.
For many years, holistic therapists have been listening to their clients and treating them for different ailments. These will be strongly and directly associated with how that person is feeling about themselves, their ailments, their relationships and place in life.
Therefore a further connection with how we feel and our wellbeing (another connection with recent blogs!).
I simply do this via photography.
It’s one of my highest priorities in a photoshoot that people leave feeling pretty good about themselves and that they’ve even enjoyed the experience … especially when they thought they wouldn’t. It happens frequently.
So if there is one thing you can do today (and everyday) for yourselves and towards those you talk to, is speak kindly of yourself and of others, feel kindly towards yourself and others and make today contain more happy associations.
It’s important to feel good about what we see in ourselves … even in the tough times … and it will help you find that confidence in front of a camera.
Yes this is something I heard very recently – “the photos got inside my head”! So my last blog was on what we think of ourselves when we look in the mirror, or see ourselves in a photograph. Following on from this, I heard an interesting story recently from a lady I know.
She and her family went on a holiday cruise earlier in the year. There were photograph opportunities organised for families and guests on board. In no uncertain terms, she relayed how it was the worst photoshoot experience she had ever had, and without all the detail, she hadn’t enjoyed the experience and hated the results.
BUT my biggest concern was when she then said that the photographs‘got inside my head’ and made her seriously doubt about how she looked. On their return, she went on a strict diet (because of how she felt) and did a family shoot at home using her phone and tripod. This was to re-assure herself that she didn’t look quite so bad.
Now I will often tell people, they may from time to time see images of themselves they’re not keen on, but it DOESN’T mean you can’t take a good one. This is to help them understand that often there are reasons and elements in a photograph that were outside their responsibility or control.
In a very early blog, I questioned the common saying ‘the camera never lies’. I still say this saying is not strictly true. Bear this in mind as you read…
Her story really troubled me and I found myself with all sorts of questions.
Did the shipping company use professional photographers?
How had they got the lights set?
Had they got the right angles for people?
Importantly, did the families and guests have an enjoyable experience?
Perhaps the photographers were rushed themselves if they had a lot of people to get through? However ‘conveyer belt’ photography is rarely going to achieve good results. If they were rushed, there was not going to be much opportunity for people to have a good experience.
From the information I was given the results of the images were far from flattering or accurate. However, whatever the photographers did or didn’t get right, it was how this particular lady was left feeling, when she stated – “the photos got inside my head”!
BUT as I mentioned earlier, it was the effect the results had on someones view of themselves.
Many people could see this as a reason to never want to be photographed again. While understandable, is perfectly avoidable.
So following on from last months blog, this is an interesting story of how we see ourselves in photographs. Perhaps it’s simply a knowledge thing, so ‘non photographers’ get some idea why some photographs are not particularly appealing.
Why do I bang on about the importance of lighting, angles and an enjoyable experience?
Because they are such important factors to achieving images you’ll love.
Have you ever had a similar experience?
There are other blogs you may find of interest on this subject:
What do you think when you see yourself in an image?
Are you hyper critical?
Are your thoughts different compared to looking in the mirror?
Or are you accepting and feel good about what you see?
Does it matter? After all these are your thoughts, nobody else needs to know or hear about them… do they?
Had you ever considered your body listens to everything you think and say about yourself.
Yes that is a fact and well, why wouldn’t it, it is after all you.
It fills me with much encouragement and hope that society in general is opening up and discussing mental health. This got me thinking how important it is that we learn to cultivate a positive view on what we see in ourselves.
Ok, let’s start with looking in a mirror.
How often do you practise gratitude for the person you are and where you are in life? You height, your colouring (skin and hair), your size, your age… yes especially age! So what do you think when you see yourself in an image?
Sometimes we can find ourselves in ‘comparing’ mode with others.
Sometimes we think we have a good outlook towards self, and then be over critical when it comes to seeing ourselves in a photo!
How many of us have said “if only I could lose a bit of weight” – I know I have in the past!
So why? Where did we learn all that? What good did it do us?
Much can come from our childhood years and the values and expectations we learned from finding our place in society. Comparisons and judgement could have been placed on us by sibling, school peers, teachers, parents and people we love.
I grew up in an era when Twiggy rose to fame and to be stick thin was in fashion. Not a lot of fun for those of us who were born a completely different shape! This followed the era of soft and curvy from the 50’s. The objectification of women was considered quite normal. It took me many years to stop thinking I could be a different shape!
But attitudes and generations are changing thankfully! Comments that were once considered ok, are no longer acceptable in society.
Every size, shape, gender, colour and age should be equal and celebrated. How we see ourselves is very attached to the balance of our mental health. Again something that is today discussed more openly and vitally important for us to be aware of.
Again you may think, ‘is it really that important?’ Well yes, as I said earlier, our body listens to everything we say about it. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘self fulfilling prophecy’? If you are overly self critical, be careful what you say, think and wish for.
So a positive self image is important especially when times get tough.
Our lives can be full of things that come along to challenge us and our personal confidence. Life can be trundling along happily, when something major can turn it on its head in an instant. If we already have a lot of self doubt and self criticism going on, it’s going to make things even tougher.
Cultivating a positive self image is very important and can be helped by several small simple daily tasks that will cost you nothing.
Practising gratitude for everything in your life.
Look in the mirror and tell the person looking back how much you love and appreciate them.
Be grateful for the person you are, even when life gets tough.
Learning to recognise negative thoughts and stopping them in their tracks.
Learning to recognise and deal with doubt about ourselves early on can help prevent a downward spiral.
Going back to our question, what do you think when you see yourself in an image? The next time you find yourself being self critical, stop and think where it could lead. Even if it was the result of a wrong decision and you are giving yourself a hard time. Be kinder and just promise you will choose differently next time. Once you’ve learned to observe the thoughts you have, you can make sure there are plenty of positive ones are in there.
Yes, being kinder and patient with yourself is a very good thing.
If you’d like to discuss how you feel about being in photographs, the experience and what you see – a free review, with no obligation is available for you at any time – Your Free Review
You may want to dip into other blogs covering many different reasons why we might not like getting in front of a camera – here are a couple for you to consider:
Don’t forget, there is a Love Your Image You Tube channel that gets regularly added to – subscribe to the channel and you can be part of the conversation – Love Your Image on You Tube
When I say ‘fashion’, I’m including clothes, shoes, makeup and now cosmetic enhancements – do you buy into the current ‘look’ and know what’s really going on.
Some of my blogs may start off and appear not to have much to do with photography. But over the last 19 months of writing, there is always a vital and relevant connection. They are always on a subject that affects how people feel in front of a camera or what they see in an image. This could be a direct attachment to a subject, or a general underlying influence that has affected you over a period of time.
This one is mainly based on our attitude to following fashions and why we do it in relation to how we see and feel about ourselves.
Clothes:
Now I love clothes and make-up as much as anyone and have probably adopted different styles over the years. But my attitude has changed also… for the better (I consider) I’m glad to add. Once, I would try something on and be disappointed in the result, because my basic self-esteem on how I looked was not the greatest. Yes, I would see a fashion or trend and try to replicate that look. What I saw in a picture was what I thought I wanted to be like and how I wanted others to see me… whether it suited me or not!
Valuable guidance
Working as a photographer, I frequently get asked for advice on what to wear for a shoot. I give them a few tips, but also recommend they consider the services of a stylist. Such a person can help them with what colours and styles suit them, whatever age, shape and size they are at. Many will also help you make the best use of your existing wardrobe, rather than buying new.
Below, I’ve shared a video interview with Shirley Webb, who is a colour and clothes stylist.
Fortunately, I’ve never been a ‘label’ follower. Yes, I look for decent quality clothes, but not highly priced, recognised branded items. There is nothing wrong in these items if you really love it, looks good on you and you can afford. But there are those who will buy into this, regardless of its cost and whether they can afford it, simply because of it’s name. Many believe they will be judged positively because of what they are wearing, believing it creates a sense of where they sit in society.
Makeup:
Once I would never go out, or go to work without some on. Why?Because I didn’t want people to see the real me. I had been conditioned in my younger years to think that the ‘look’ of makeup was expected and I’d be judged by not ‘looking my best’. But not so influenced to remember my grandmother suggesting my own mother should wear a little more. My mum never did wear a great deal, she was busy bringing up five children, so her priorities were elsewhere.
So my use of make-up has now vastly reduced. I can happily go out with or without makeup and confident in how I look. So I wear it when it suits me now and enjoy the look of both.
Cosmetic enhancements:
This one I question the most, however for many is a regular expenditure:
Botox
Lip augmentation
Facelift
Eyelid lift
Forehead lift
Rhinoplasty
Plastic Surgery
Breast augmentation
Liposuction
I’ve never had any of these as I don’t consider I need them. However, having never experienced any, will try and stay balanced in my opinions, as once upon a time a younger me may have felt differently.
Yes, I can completely see why some might be helpful and favourable in certain circumstances. They have perhaps been born, or experienced changes to their appearance through accident or disfigurement. This can already have led to a lifetime of challenges with bullying or judgement.
I also empathise with those who’ve already bought into this option for whatever reason they felt it necessary.
Fashions change!
Of course they do and will always continue to do so through time. Why does this happen? Well yes, we all need to buy clothes for practical reasons but would also want to look good in them… nothing wrong in that. From my own observations it’s driven by the big corporates who sell us ‘fashion’ and our insatiable want to carve an identity in how we look. One feeds the other.
Therefore, if you’ve bought into permanent cosmetic enhancements to be part of a particular look or style – what happens when that fashion changes? Our skin is our largest organ and serves many purposes. It’s not there just as an aesthetic covering.
How I want others to see me
I don’t know when I became aware that this life is not a competition– it’s really not. Or, looking for approval from others in how I look in order to fit in – is not needed. Or, perhaps it was when I introduced the idea to myself that I’m exactly as I should be just as I am. Or, I stopped criticising myself and wanting to change things.
I choose to buy into MY own look and continue to nurture that thought that I am enough.
This leads me onto that word ‘perfect’.
When we apply it to ourselves, does the word ‘perfect’ get taken out of context?
If we can agree that we are all different and unique in our own ways, why do we consider ourselves as having ‘imperfections’?
Who has the authority to say a particular size, shape… or ‘look’ is what we should be aiming for to be a ‘somebody’?
If it makes us individually feel better to make a change in ourselves then we do it for us and not for others. Why should we entertain others judging us on our size or looks?
When we start to consider and embrace that we are already perfect, you can start to like and love what you see to a level you never thought possible.
Yes that might seem like a goal many of us couldn’t achieve. But, what have you got to lose by trying? Is buying into a particular look because you compare yourself to others, the best reason?
Being photographed and viewing images of ourselves, simply underlines and exposes that view we have of self.
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Don’t forget to visit the Love Your Image You Tube channel and find the top tips for getting in front of a camera.
What have positive and negative associations got to do with being photographed?
What have positive and negative associations got to do with being photographed? We spend much of our lives experiencing positives and negatives and what we do and don’t like. This can be in the things we choose to do and have to do. Perhaps, we’ve discovered a favourite holiday destination and some will choose to return to the same place regularly. It’s their happy place. We gravitate towards the things we enjoy by choice and strive to keep most of it positive and rewarding.
Some things may be more of a challenge to us for whatever reason. But often have to be done as a necessary aspect of achieving a more enjoyable life.
But what has this got to do with being photographed and seeing images of ourselves?
For many, we dislike the experience of being photographed as it reminds us of something really unpleasant from the past. It can be from childhood, or come from anywhere in our adult years. The resulting images just reflect that back to us with a negative reminder. It could be from a specific event, or just as commonly, a combination of learned behaviours and expectations.
Positive and negative associations being photographed – however, interestingly, we seem to remember the negatives more than the positives. So yes, you have positive associations from life. They are simply the things that don’t bother you in the least and you give them little thought. I’ll come onto these further on.
Referring back to my previous blog on “Body Parts in Photographs”.Lets take a look at a few general examples and how an association brought them to their current thinking:
‘I don’t like my teeth showing’
A child may have worn braces as a younger person and told to keep their mouth closed for a photograph.
“I hide my ears with my hair”
At school a child was told to tie their hair back and were teased about their ears.
“I want to lose some weight before I see you”
Weight is a common issue for many and may have been a source of negative comments. Or, we have learned by association through advertising and social media pressure that we should be thinner. This can lead to a challenge with self-esteem. It is further confirmed by the western culture we live in and the expectations placed on us.
Comments we have had from the past:
“You must have been beautiful when you were younger”
“You always ruined the photographs when you were a child”
Yes, sadly I’ve heard all of these and many many more.
So our current negative thinking towards being photographed can come from strong associations with things that have happened in our lives. In almost all instances, it was never your fault or responsibility. I refer back to another recent blog “What really going on in a photograph”
But as these are learned behaviours and associations, they can be changed.
I mentioned earlier that we also have positive associations. From my own journey, I have a list of both negatives and positives that shaped how I felt in front of a camera. Discovering this has given me power to my elbow (so to speak). It gave me the opportunity to target the things I wanted to change. It gave me the opportunity to reflect and feel good about the positives.
Fortunately society is beginning to change its thinking and attitudes and becoming inclusive to everyone, whatever, size, age, colour, culture, or sexuality. All the things that may have been cause of a negative association. This can also be a generational thing and take society quite a time to acknowledge.
There can be more complex areas of associations, but nearly all connect with how you felt at the time. So part of your journey to LoveYourImage can be identifying these negatives, understanding and changing them.
What’s really going on in a photograph? When we see an image of ourselves, we don’t see past it. We just see it as something perhaps we like or we don’t. If it’s one you like, great! But if it’s not, it can be part of a subconscious downward spiral to constant disappointment – leading you to believe you are not photogenic.
There are different reasons we do or don’t like an image.
But our decision will be based on a judgement about ourselves. Understanding a bit more of what’s happening in a photograph can be essential to helping you improve any dislike of an image. Not to necessarily like it, but to realise why it didn’t turn out so well – this doesn’t mean you are not photogenic!
A photograph captures a split second in time.
It brings together many elements. That single moment is all important to how you view the results. Let me expand on this slightly. We are producing expressions that are uniquely us, all the time, depending on where and who we are with. Because a photograph is of a single moment, it’s a skilled person who observes and captures you in an image that you will love. Not because you are a difficult subject, but because they know what it takes to capture that moment.
I’ve separated reasons into five main points and explained some of what was going on:
Photographer responsibility.
Technical issues.
Masking.
Comparing ourselves.
Judging ourselves
Photographer responsibility.
This was the topic of two earlier blogs – do take a read – Photographer responsibility Part 1 – Photographer responsibility Part 2. It could give you more insight. Who was taking the photograph? If you were captured either off-guard, or unexpectedly, perhaps the photographer wasn’t focusing on capturing you at your best, or, they didn’t know how to. Perhaps they didn’t consider how you were feeling.
Don’t forget about the distortion that happens, if either you or someone else was capturing you on a phone camera. The camera may have been too low, or from a less than flattering angle.
The light was maybe harsh and unforgiving, perhaps because of bright midday sunlight, or, overhead artificial light. As I mentioned in the blog, people now assume that their phones will do it all for them.
Masking.
You’re requested to be in a photograph and beginning to feel anxious and uncomfortable and your stomach churns. You could also feel distracted and not know how to stand/sit/look and added to that you are not being guided. There’s no hiding at the back and you would rather not be there. So at best you grin and bear it, or put on a ‘mask’ to just get through. Tension, anxiety and feeling highly uneasy is going to show through.
These three pointsARE NOT YOUR FAULT
But no-one else gives any consideration to this and leaves you berating yourself for taking a far from acceptable image, on the assumption it’s your responsibility – well it’s not!
The next two are deeply personal and individual.
Comparing ourselves to others.
Looking good in an image is actually not a competition, but many measure it this way. Social media and advertising pile on the pressure, causing us to think we should look like something/someone else. In reality, whether you can achieve it or not is another thing. We are lead to believe that if we buy a particular product, or have a particular treatment, we can! All to follow a particular trend and fit in with our peer group.
Judging ourselves.
I was recently chatting to a lady at an event about ‘Love Your Image’. She quite matter-of-fact announced that a particular lady (nearby) was beautiful and she (herself) was not. It was that black and white to her. How we see ourselves is of course deeply personal. Negative self judgement can be so ingrained, it’s barely a conscious thought or action anymore, as we do it so regularly. It has truly become a habit… a bad one. We’ve taught our brains, with our life experiences and values to automatically think that way.
So that’s the negatives covered – but all is not lost.
EVERY SINGLE POINT LISTED HAS A POSITIVE ASPECT.
Everyone can take a good photograph, yes everyone.
I once had a photograph taken to record quite a big achievement – I’d just cycled 100 miles in a day. I’d spent 3 months preparing and getting fit enough. It was a shot taken on a phone, (not mine), quite close up, so lots of distortion. I was also exhausted… it showed! 🙁 But the image doesn’t bother me, because I understand what was behind it.
I’ve shared an example to illustrate one of the above points – which point do you think these come under?
What’s going on in a photograph – this shows a group of people un-prepared for their photograph.
What’s going on in a photograph – a group all looking a lot more comfortable in front of the camera.
These two photographs are a perfect example of two moments in time, taken seconds apart – I remember them well, as I was there! As you can see, every single person in the group had no idea the photograph was being taken in the first image. The second is a much more pleasing image with everyone focusing towards the camera.
Do you relate to any of the points raised in this blog?
Did you know you can learn to get past all of these things?
I could probably write a book on all the tales I’ve heard relating to people in front of cameras. But always particularly recall this one…
Many years ago, a lady came to me for business headshots. She explained she had asked her adult daughter to take some photos of her, but it hadn’t worked out and relayed how that event panned out. Her daughter got her to stand in front of her and took a step back, held the camera up, snapped, looked at the camera and said it wasn’t very good and would try again. Again she held the camera up, snapped, looked at the camera and explained “well you had your eyes shut that time”! This continued for a while, but without apparent success in the daughters eyes. Eventually, daughter announces, “Mum you’re just not photogenic”!!Ouch…
They may have had a giggle with it along the way and nobody fell out.
But the comment went deep and caused mum to doubt how she looked.
Now here’s the thing – if the daughter had gone outside and taken a landscape image and decided it wasn’t as good as she’d hoped – she wouldn’t turn to the landscape and say “you’re just not photogenic”. So why would you say it to a person? Can you see where I’m heading with this?The word ‘photogenic’ gets taken out of context from its true dictionary meaning in a big way.
Do you know how to get the best out of someone.
Do you know what would be the most flattering angle, height and lighting to produce an image they will like of themselves? Are you happy if the person you are capturing takes a look and doesn’t like what they see and thinks it’s all their fault? Would you stand up and take responsibility?
Well here are a few things to know and consider –
It’s very difficult to know how to be or how you are appearing in front of a camera without any helpful guidance. You won’t have any idea of the height or angle someone has their camera pointing towards you, so how can you know what the result will be? Yes others see us often quite differently to how we view ourselves, but that doesn’t relinquish our responsibility to how we capture others.
Cameras give us fabulous technology, so we can all be photographers now. But it’s what we do with it that makes a difference… a difference that could so easily affect others, both positively and negatively.
Perhaps you might stop and think next time you want to take photographs of people, or, get in touch and I can give you some help 🙂
Did you read ‘Photographer Responsibility’ Part 1?
In the meantime, do sign up to the mailing list for Love Your Imageand stay up to date with new information and blogs.
I recently saw a statement on social media that made me read further… it read ‘don’t want a boring old headshot?’ It occurred to me that I’ve never seen a ‘boring old headshot’ – a poor one perhaps, but not boring. It might be poor in its technical production, for example, poorly lit and too dark, too much contrast, out of focus, an old holiday snap, wrong angle… and then there’s the expression… stiff, nervous, apprehensive, serious and decidedly questionable. So if the offering to pep up a ‘boring old headshot’ is to put someone on a brightly coloured background, what about that expression??
90% of the success of a good headshot is in the expression. Many people who dislike their photograph being taken, will also say they would like to be captured as ‘friendly and approachable’. Yes you can have a fantastic fine art portrait of someone with a non-smiling expression. It could be wistful, contemplative, cheeky, thoughtful… but for business engagementthat’s probably not the best style to go for. There is a friendly and approachable expression in all of us… after all it’s part of our personality.
Our image says a great deal about usand if you form opinions of others by their online image before you get to meet them, you can be sure others will be doing the same about you.
So if you want to encourage trust and engagement with others in your business world, friendly and approachable is the best way forward. Not fixed and posed, but natural and spontaneous… and definitely not boring, whatever background is decided upon.
So for the last two years, I’ve talked about getting to grips with changing how we feel about being photographed. Discovering just how many dislike it and/or the results, has been both eye opening and yet strangely not a surprise.
After developing the program‘Love Your Image’, to help people who don’t like being photographed change this mind-set, has been an interesting and rewarding journey. Just about everyone thinks it’s a good idea and most will talk about it on a ‘general’ level, but how open would you want to be to discuss this subject on a much more personal level? No so much I find. Often what we don’t like about our image may feel somewhat trivial or connected with vanity and nobody really wants to admit to being vain? I hear so many different stories of why people don’t like their photograph taken, but if you are in business, can you afford to be an Eeore about it?
Being aware of your ‘Mind-set’ is being applied to many things these days and how you present yourself in images IS hugely important. Therefore so is changing your mind-set in front of the camera… and change it YOU CAN… this is something that is within an individuals reach regardless of how you have felt… perhaps for many years? With the right help and guidance you can do this.
To change how you feel and be among a growing group who have learned to ‘Love Their Image’ has MANY rewards. It’s neither trivial nor vain to decide to address this and the benefits are considerable.
The first step of the journey is:
Learning and understanding ‘why’ we arrive at such an attitude.
Useful tips on ‘how’ to be in front of the camera and why they work!
… and when you feel brave enough…
A photo-shoot – that only you see the results, until you are ready to share.
And that’s just the start, to making it a permanent change.
This doesn’t ask anything more of you than a willingness to be open minded to change.
So consider this… and its nothing to do with your size… can the ‘Elephant’ in your room be ignored any longer…?
Turn what you learn to your advantage, for business and pleasure – come and find out:
Where the dislike comes from
Guest speaker Linda Barbour – Calm, confident you
Learn valuable tips for being in front of the camera
Discover the lasting benefits to both work and personal life
Boost your confidence
NO ONE WILL BE PHOTOGRAPHED!
This seminar is part of the ‘Love Your Image’program. If you feel you would like to go on and complete the program, all attendees will qualify to book their photography session at a special rate – come and find out!
